My husband bangs on things and breaks them during our fights. He has never hit me, though. He doesn't sort things through discussion. He also hurls abuses at me. Am I just waiting to be hit by him? Would that be his next step?

The behavior your husband is exhibiting is alarming and indicates a high risk of escalation in the abuse. Here are some key points to consider:

Escalation of Abuse

Abuse often escalates over time, and the fact that your husband is already engaging in destructive behavior and verbal abuse is a significant red flag. According to the sources, verbal abuse and destructive behaviors can be precursors to physical violence25.

Warning Signs

Several warning signs suggest that the situation could escalate to physical violence:

• Destructive Behavior: When your husband bangs on things and breaks them during fights, it indicates a level of aggression and loss of control, which can easily turn against you5.
• Verbal Abuse: Severe verbal abuse is a strong predictor of potential physical violence. The fact that he hurls abuses at you is a concerning sign5.
• Lack of Resolution: His refusal to sort things out through discussion and instead resorting to aggressive behavior suggests a lack of healthy conflict resolution skills, which can lead to further escalation15.

Cycle of Violence

The cycle of violence, which includes phases of tension-building, explosion, and a honeymoon period, can help explain the pattern of behavior you're experiencing. In this cycle, the periods between phases can get shorter, and the abuse can worsen over time1.

Red Flags

Lundy Bancroft's checklist of red flags for potential violence includes behaviors such as:

• Throwing things, punching walls, or other violent gestures
• Using scary behaviors as bargaining chips
• Making veiled threats
• Controlling daily activities
• Following or spying on you5

Given these points, it is crucial to take your situation seriously and consider seeking help. Here are some steps you can take:

Seek Support

• Contact a domestic violence hotline or a local domestic violence program for guidance and support. For example, you can call the JBWS 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.28735.
• Consider counseling or therapy to address the issues in your relationship and to develop a safety plan.

Safety Plan

• Develop a safety plan that includes where you can go if you need to leave quickly, how you can protect yourself, and who you can contact for help.

Understanding Abuse

• Remember that abuse is never your fault, and you do not deserve to be treated this way. The abuser chooses to escalate the abuse, not because of anything you did or said, but as a way to exert power and control2.

Taking proactive steps to ensure your safety is essential, given the warning signs and the potential for escalation in your situation.