How do I deal with a dominating friend?

Dealing with a dominating or controlling friend can be challenging, but there are several strategies you can employ to maintain your well-being and potentially improve the friendship. Here are some key points to consider:

Communicate Clearly and Assertively

• Use "I" statements to express your feelings without blaming your friend. For example, "When you tell me what to do, I feel patronized" rather than "You always try to control me."135
• Be assertive and stand up for yourself by expressing your own opinions and ideas. Make sure your friend knows that you will not allow them to make decisions for you without your input.

Set Clear Boundaries

• Define and communicate your boundaries clearly. Let your friend know what behaviors are and are not acceptable to you. For instance, "I don’t reply to texts after 10 p.m. on weeknights unless it’s an emergency."34
• Be firm in enforcing these boundaries and follow through with consequences if they are not respected.

Offer Alternatives

• Instead of letting your friend dictate plans or actions, suggest alternative solutions that promote collaboration. This can help shift the dynamic from control to mutual decision-making.15

Practice Saying "No"

• Learn to say "No" directly and without justification when your friend makes unreasonable requests. Repeat your response if necessary to reinforce your boundary.3

Maintain Confidence and Self-Esteem

• Bossy people often target those who lack confidence. Ensure you are confident in yourself and your abilities to avoid being swayed by their controlling behavior.14

Avoid Power Struggles

• Refrain from engaging in power struggles, as these can escalate the situation. Stay calm, assertive, and focused on finding solutions that work for everyone.14

Use Assertive Nonverbal Communication

• Employ assertive body language such as maintaining eye contact, good posture, and avoiding fidgeting to reinforce your messages.3

Seek Support

• If dealing with the situation becomes too stressful, seek support from other friends, family, or a therapist. Having someone to talk to can help you process your feelings and develop strategies.13

Evaluate the Friendship

• If your friend’s controlling behavior is consistently harmful and they are unwilling to change, it may be necessary to consider ending the friendship. Prioritize your own well-being and emotional health.123

Practice Loving Detachment

• If the friendship is not salvageable, practice loving detachment. This means not taking their behavior personally and maintaining your boundaries with compassion rather than resentment.4

By implementing these strategies, you can better manage the relationship and protect your own emotional well-being. However, if the situation does not improve, it may be best to distance yourself or end the friendship altogether.