Have I made a huge mistake not telling her?

When dealing with a situation where you feel you've made a significant mistake, especially one that involves personal relationships and trust, here are some key considerations:

Honesty and Transparency

In the scenario described in the first source, where a married person had a near-infidelity incident with an ex, the guilt and fear of consequences are palpable. The advice from various sources suggests that honesty, although difficult, is often the best policy. Not telling your partner about the incident can lead to ongoing guilt and anxiety, and there is always a risk that the truth might come out anyway14.

Consequences of Keeping the Secret

Keeping the secret can consume you with guilt and worry, as seen in the second and fourth sources. This guilt can be overwhelming and affect your mental and physical health. Confessing the mistake, even if it's hard, can provide a sense of relief and allow you to move forward24.

Forgiveness and Learning

Forgiving yourself is a crucial step in moving forward. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and that your intentions, even if misguided, were likely not malicious. Learning from the mistake and taking steps to prevent similar situations in the future can help you grow and improve your relationships2.

Impact on Relationships

If you decide to tell your partner, it's important to consider the potential impact on your relationship. However, not telling them and living with the guilt could also strain the relationship in the long run. Being honest might give you a chance to work through the issue together and potentially strengthen your relationship14.

Steps to Take

• Tell Someone You Trust: Sharing your mistake with someone you trust can provide a different perspective and help you start the process of forgiving yourself2.
• Consider the Likelihood of Discovery: If there is a reasonable chance that your partner will find out, it might be better to confess the mistake yourself rather than waiting for it to be discovered1.
• Be Prepared for Consequences: Whether you confess or not, be prepared for the potential consequences. If you do confess, it may lead to a difficult conversation, but it could also lead to healing and growth in your relationship4.

Ultimately, the decision to tell or not to tell is complex and depends on your specific situation and the dynamics of your relationship. However, the general consensus is that honesty, self-forgiveness, and learning from the mistake are key steps in moving forward.